Once Upon A Cruise
by Scarlet Phlame
Summary: Once upon a time in Disneyla- oops, wrong one. Once upon a time, Cora had the so-called 'fantastic' idea to bring the entire extended Charming family aboard the Disney Wonder on a cruise to Alaska. Things are gonna get chilly. ONESHOT, might continue. (I own nothing.) Host: Cora


"Okay," Emma said. "This is not something I thought we were actually gonna do."

"Be fair," Cora said. "I finally got popular, then I had to go and die." she rolled her eyes. "Thank goodness for AU, otherwise I wouldn't be here." she slapped her sunglasses on and grinned.

"There!" she said. She wore a multi-colored lei and a straw hat. And upside-down sunglasses.

"We're going to Alaska, aren't we?" Emma asked.

"Yeah," Cora said. "At first, I thought I'd wear some fur from polar bears I skinned, but then I thought, nah, I think I'll just defy the status quo! So here I am!"

Emma blinked.

"Oh, you're no fun," Cora said.

"You skin POLAR BEARS?!" Snow shrieked.

'No, dear, it was a joke," Cora said sweetly. "Course I do, dumbo! I'm the queen of hearts!"

"Then why don't you skin their hearts?!" Snow cried.

"I-" Cora blinked. "I can't believe you're saying this."

"I'm getting- well working on getting my Gangster degree," Snow admitted.

"Motheeerrr!" Regina yelled. "You forgot your passport!" she sauntered into the room, handing Cora her slip and grabbing her sunglasses off her face.

"Hey!" Cora cried. "Give 'em back!"

Regina sighed. "I was," she said. "They're just upside down. I was fixing them, it was a nice gesture."

"Oh," Cora said. "Right,"she said smugly. "I knew that. I was just... testing you."

"I have a test on Thursday," Snow groaned.

"I really, really don't want to go," Gold groaned. "I get terrible seasickness."

"He's been whining about it ever since it was announced this would be a fic," Cora said. "It'll be very short, though. Maybe five chapters at most. Unless the authoress changes her mind."

"Why are we referring to her like she's a person?" Emma said, blinking.

"Because it's polite," Cora said sharply.

"Right," Henry said, watching Snow chase Charming around, pleading with him not to kill an ant. "Because this family is sooooo polite."

"You're no fun," Cora sulked.

"Hi," Neal said, waving.

"Why did you say hi?" Henry asked. "There's no one to say hi to."

"I just never get any lines," Neal said."I feel like such a boring character."

"Dear," Cora said. "Thats because you ARE a boring character. Why, the only vote you got in American Idol was from the author, and that was because she felt bad for you. And she didn't even really send it in, so it didn't count!"

"Area 6: Boarding," the announcer called over the speakers.

"Blah, blah, dialogue," Cora said. "We gonna get on with the actual plot?"

"Okay, safety etiquette," Regina said. "Now, if you fall overboard, swim away from the boat, not towards it. Otherwise, you'll get sucked under. Second-"

"Excuse me," Cora said, blinking. "Are you the hostess for this fic?"

"No..."

"Yeah," Cora said. "You aren't. I am. You're the host of Part Two of Once Upon A Time Ii Disneyland. Emma was the host for the first part of that fic, and the author's point was to demonstrate how Emma was the main character in season one and Regina was the main in season two. Sort of. Henry and Belle are the hosts of Wipeout: Once Style, Gold is whatever, Neal is whatever, and I really don't care to list the rest. You guys have your stuff but in this fic, THE SPOTLIGHT IS MINE! MIIIINE! MWAHAHAHA!" Cora shrieked.

"Okay," Regina said, tapping on her phone. "Sorry, I checked my email halfway through your rant. Didn't catch much of it at all."

Cora's eye twitched.

"Area 7: Boarding." Cora nudged the group.

"That's us!" she cried.

"YAY!" Belle said. "We're going to Disneyland!"

"It's not Disneyland," Cora said. "it's a ship."

"I though that's what it was," Belle said, confused. "Disneyland on the ship."

"No, it's just a ship," Emma said. "More to the point, it's a cruise ship to Alaska. We'll be porting in three different area-"

"Shut up!" Cora said. "I'm hosting this fic!"

"Fine," Emma sulked. "Have it your way."

Cora led the group over to the station, but they were very quickly stopped by an usher who was taking pictures of each family.

"I didn't do my hair that well this morning," Regina whined as they dragged her over to the greenscreen.

They snapped a photo quickly of a very tired, jetlagged-looking Emma with messy hair, a cheerful Charming in the middle of eating an African Beetle, Snow doing things and the rest of the group looking miserable, because I was too lazy to do the actual description stuff. Sorry.

"Oh, sooo bored," Charming said.

"Like I said, time and time again, you're always bored," Snow said through a newspaper. Henry was leaning over the railing, looking at the fish.

"Grandma," he said slowly. "We're on a cruise right now. So why would you bring your fish?" Snow sighed.

"Because," she said. "This is a family trip, and Rocky is family."

"Am I the only one who finds it ironic that she named the fish Rocky and the rock Timothy?" Emma asked. "I mean, no offense, but Timothy sounds more like a fish name and Rocky sounds more like a rock name."

"IT'S MY ROCK AND FISH!" Snow screamed. "I can name them whatever I want."

"I wouldn't call this a cruise," Neal said, picking at a piece of wood on deck. "It's more like a horror boat ride. I mean, it's just.. a ship." he motioned towards his father. "And my dad's sick. That's never a fun ting."

"You're being ridiculous," Charming said. "I think it's rather good."

"That's because you eat all the bugs that come here the ship," Snow said, groaning.

"But if everyone was like me, you'd see," Charming said.

"If everyone was like you, bugs would be extinct," Emma said.

"If I don't get the role I want, tissues will become extinct," The author lamented.

"Shut up and go back to your couch," Emma said. The author picked up her Lays bag and walked back to the monitor.

"Wait," Emma said. "Can I have a bag of chips?"

"No," the author said. "You'll get fatter."

"Fat- I'm not fat!" Emma shouted.

"You so are," the author said. "Just kidding," she added. "It's fun to make you mad."

Emma leaned back, sulking. "I don't like her," she told Henry.

"Be fair," Henry said. "Nobody does."

"Hey," Cora suddenly wondered. "Who's driving the ship?"

"Cora? Where were you?" Emma asked. "Haven't seen you all day."

"Chatting with this really great rock," Cora said.

"It's official," Emma said, turning to Charming. "We're all going insane."

"We're already insane," Charming pointed out.

"Touche," Emma said with a slight smile.

The family finally made it inside the main deck, and Emma gasped in surprise. It didn't look at all like Hook's ship, it was finely decorated on the inside and actually looked like a lobby of sorts.

Cora was greeted by an usher.

"Hello! What would your name be?" he asked.

"Cora Mills," she said.

"Family name?"

"Why do you want to know?" Cora asked, narrowing her eyes.

"We want to welcome you onboard the ship!" the usher said.

"We'll just take your name and shout 'welcome aboard the Disney Wonder, (insert family name here) family'," the usher said.

"Oh," Cora said. "What happens if it's a bad name?"

"Actually... I don't know," the usher admitted. "Can you just tell us your last name? I've got a few more minutes until my coffee break."

"Just say we're the Charming family," Cora said.

"Welcome aboard the Disney Wonder, Charming family!" the usher said, grinning at the group.

"Poor her, she's got to stand there all day shouting names," Cora said sympathetically.

"Shouting names all day is not a bad activity," Hook said, giving a little eyebrow wiggle.

"Gross..." was all Emma said.

* * *

_**May or may not continue this one. We'll see. I did say I'd do a spinoff for this so... ya. But I don't know if it'll be a full-blown spinoff since school is cray-cray right now.**_


End file.
